


Too Late

by GentlyMorbid



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Harm, Suicide, human!AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 20:09:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19752952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GentlyMorbid/pseuds/GentlyMorbid
Summary: Alternate ending to "All That Mattered"





	1. Searching

Ahsoka was gripped by a mounting feeling of trepidation as she entered her residence. She was met with silence, which wasn’t too unusual, save for the nagging feeling in her head and the anxiety filling her stomach. 

She had not heard from Barriss all day, and, while not hearing from your wife during the day may not cause concern for most people, she knew it was out of character for Barriss Offee to shy away from constant communication with the people she loved. Unless something was wrong. 

Ahsoka was certain that she was not overreacting. She hadn’t started worrying until just then, after messaging Barriss and calling her phone several times during the day with no response. She knew Barriss wouldn’t have gone out without letting her know, so something must have happened to Barriss at home.

Ahsoka’s thoughts switched into anxiety mode, as images of Barriss injured, possibly fatally so, wandered through her head. She tried to calm herself, using the breathing exercises she loved to extol to her spouse, but found herself short of breath. 

She walked, slightly less calmly, to Barriss’ bedroom, but found it vacant. One would be forgiven for thinking no one occupied it as it was empty and pristine, such were Barriss’ habits towards tidiness and cleanliness. 

Ahsoka sighed and continued to her own, separate bedroom. Before she and Barriss had moved in together, they had discussed their boundaries and rules for cohabitating. 

One of Barriss’ boundaries was keeping separate bedrooms, as she became overwhelmed easily and needed frequent physical space and time to herself, even if she was able to socialise via cyberspace and phone messages. Ahsoka and Barriss did sleep in the same room and the same bed every few nights, but spending nights apart was necessary, as they had discovered early on in their relationship.

Ahsoka realised that she was leaning against the bedroom door and that her thoughts had drifted from anxiety to a calmer feeling as she reminisced on their relationship. 

As she gazed into her own bedroom, she noted the difference, with a wry smile, between the clean spectacle of Barriss’ room and her own, messy haven. The blankets were strewn haphazardly over the bed and one of her pillows was a hair’s breadth away from tipping onto the floor, such was Ahsoka’s “disaster zone” of a bedroom, as Barriss often jokingly named it.

She straightened her posture and continued searching for Barriss through the house, in a less panicked mode. Ahsoka rationalised that Barriss was probably preoccupied and would be hastily apologising for forgetting to stay in contact with Ahsoka as soon as she was roused from whatever she had been focused on. 

Smiling slightly at the thought, Ahsoka passed through the kitchen, her stomach grumbling softly at the thought of food and the memories of Barriss failing in her many attempts at cooking. The kitchen was clean, as they both tried to keep it that way, and the fridge usually kept stocked with at least some of their mutual favourite snacks.

Ahsoka finished sauntering down memory lane and exited the kitchen. She turned in the direction of the bathroom and opened the door, in search of her absent wife.

The sight that greeted her chilled her to the core.


	2. Discovery

Barriss was sitting up against the far bathroom wall with her head drooped, a pool of blood gathering around her, marring the usually pristine white floor tiles. Ahsoka was filled with fear, as she slowly advanced towards the still form of her wife, noting with a sharp inhale that the blood was coming from long gashes in Barriss’ arms. 

Ahsoka knelt next to Barriss, not giving a second of thought to the blood staining her clothing. With tears streaming down her face, she spoke frantically, “Barriss! Oh, Barriss, please don’t be dead! I love you! You can’t die!”

With no response forthcoming, Ahsoka rummaged through her pockets for her phone, dialling emergency services as soon as she found it. When her call was answered, she spoke so hurriedly that she was afraid the receiver was unable to understand her, “Please help, my wife tried to kill herself and I don’t know if she’s alive and I’m so scared, please help me!”

Ahsoka gave the person her address and hung up after being told that an ambulance was on its way.

Ahsoka glanced back at Barriss, whose position and state of consciousness hadn’t changed, before grabbing the nearby towels and trying to gently wrap them around Barriss’ arms to stop the blood flow. Some of the blood had dried, but the majority stained the towels such a bright red that Ahsoka knew she’d have to get rid of them afterwards. 

She didn’t think she’d want to use the towels again, even if they were clean. 

Ahsoka tilted Barriss’ head up, gently placing it against the wall for support before clinging to her softly, afraid to injure her further. 

She did not know whether Barriss was alive or not, though she could not detect any signs of breathing or heartbeat, but tried not to assume the worst. 

All she could do was cry and wait for the ambulance to transport them to the hospital and try to save her Barriss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoyed writing this very much! Can you tell?


	3. Loss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Alternate Ending!

As Ahsoka waited for the paramedics, she held her dying wife in her arms. Barriss hadn’t moved once and Ahsoka was beyond distraught. She did not want to live in a world without Barriss, but for all they were worth, neither her tears nor her agonised wails could save her wife. She clung to Barriss, alternating between praying for her to wake up and screaming her name. 

Eventually, the tears ran out and Ahsoka’s stare became blank, as she retreated involuntarily into her mind. She saw flashes of Barriss in happier times, her exuberance and zest for life unmistakable. Barriss was a damaged individual, in more ways than one, but they had a life together. A good one. 

Ahsoka woke up every morning, content in the knowledge that they would be seeing each other and enjoying each other’s presence, and that had been enough for her. She adored Barriss, and she knew Barriss felt the same way about her. 

They had learned to communicate and function as a unit, as well as individuals, though they were practically inseparable. 

Many people had commented that it seemed that the two of them had been made for each other, but Barriss and Ahsoka had always thought that all it came down to was good chemistry and the determination to always be friends, no matter what.

In times of stress, they were always there for each other and they always made it through, if not entirely unscathed. Ahsoka and Barriss were able to complement each other’s needs and make compromises when necessary. 

Ahsoka reflected on her present situation grimly. Yes, Barriss did have a history of self-harm and suicidal ideation, but Barriss never often hid her troubles from Ahsoka, allowing them to talk it out without resorting to using a blade. Ahsoka didn’t know how she could have missed the signs in the lead up to finding Barriss as she was now, but she hated that she had. 

Barriss stirred so softly that Ahsoka thought she had imagined it, until Barriss weakly opened her eyes and smiled slightly when she saw Ahsoka.

“Ahsoka?” Barriss asked faintly. With fresh tears falling from her eyes, Ahsoka smiled back and replied, “Hi.”

Barriss seemed to struggle to produce her next words, “Ahsoka… I’m… I’m s-sorry. I didn’t…” 

Ahsoka continued smiling through her tears as she softly hushed her spouse, “Don’t try to speak, Barriss. You’re going to be alright. I promise.”

“No, I don’t t-think I will, ‘s-soka,” Barriss struggled to say.

Before Ahsoka could say anything further, Barriss began to speak hesitantly as if choosing her words carefully, “Ahsoka… you were so kind to me. I’m so grateful to be your wife.” 

Ahsoka shook her head, “Don’t talk like that! Stay with me, Barriss.”

Barriss struggled to speak, as if it were costing her dearly, “I love… I… I love y—”.

She never finished her sentence. Her body stilled and her eyes become glassy and vacant, as the life left her body.

A whimper escaped Ahsoka’s lips as she sat there cradling Barriss’ body. It began to build to a wail and then an agonising scream, filled with grief and loss.

The sound echoed throughout the empty, lonely house and faded out slowly, as the sound of ambulance sirens filled the air. 

By then, however, it was far too late.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, again! If you haven't read "All That Mattered", please note that the first two chapters of that fic and *this* fic are identical, so you can skip them if you go to read the companion fic.
> 
> I felt like I wanted to be a bit more angsty with this one, and I think I got the job done :P
> 
> Please do regale me with tales of the emotional turmoil you experienced while reading this. It would bring me much pleasure!


End file.
